i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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