fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
