I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
