then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
