so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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