just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
