I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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