I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
