So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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