roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
