I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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