Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
