I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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