I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
