I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
