So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
