its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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