some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
