Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
