Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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