Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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