His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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