What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
