FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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