17 year olds will be the death of me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
