Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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