I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You have to summon your inner elephant
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
