whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
