The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
