i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
