so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
