He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
