This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
