Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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