my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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