why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
