Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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