Plan B is the new Plan A
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
