he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
