For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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