I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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