Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
