Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
