I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
