Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
