Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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