I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
