you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
