Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
