Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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