So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
